Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How does one acquire holy water?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
