Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
