just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
