Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
