Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
