How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
