Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
