You're my little dorito
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
