i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
