guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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