you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
