So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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