He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
