i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
