I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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