Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
