I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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