I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
