He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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