i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
