I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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