They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize