I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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