I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
