I must be too annoying 4 u.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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