Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
