im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
