Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
