Don't you send me to vm
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You pole danced in your parka.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
