I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
