Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
