Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize