it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
