Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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