It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
