My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize