when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
