The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
