I am midnight drunk by noon
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
