I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
