He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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