I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
