i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
