I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
