Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
