no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
