We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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