So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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