I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize