It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
