Don't you send me to vm
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
