Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
