Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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