Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
