That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They have beer where we have blood.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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