State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
