I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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