there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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