They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
