we're blogging at a bar
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
