Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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