At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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