just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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