Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
