from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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