i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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