i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
