i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
