my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
