she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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