Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
