I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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