I think I won the penis lottery.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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