and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
