i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
