I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
