As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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