Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
