I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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