my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
