this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
