Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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