whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
