Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
