She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
