Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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