and my herpes radar will keep us safe
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
